The Crazy World (tm) of Rob Miles

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Call Collect

I like Collectormania. A chance to get up early (4:15am) and drive down the motorway to Milton Keynes in search of strange stuff and star scrawls.
01skies
...but at least you do get to see a nice sunrise.
02Mira
This is Mira Furlan, of Babylon 5 and Lost fame. I still find it amazing that we can we can meet up with such people when we've seen them in so many episodes.
03Ron
This is Ron Glass of Serenity fame....
04alan
..and this is Alan Tudyk, who was in the same movie, and also played good roles in A Knight's Tale and Dodgeball. The chap on the left is number one son.
05robocop
You could also have your photo taken alongside the Robocop car, next to a model of the clockwork lawman himself. Snag is that the car is a very ordinary looking saloon. And you'd think if they were rebuilding you they'd take the opportunity to make you more than five foot tall...

There are some more pictures on the Flickr account on the right, with pseudo-witty captions..

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Pigs and Bliss

We went out to get some pigs today. These are pedigree. Oh yes.

01pigs

Can't you tell? We are currently working on names. Bubble and Squeak?

On the way out of the garden centre I noticed that the landscape was definitely "Bliss replacement material".

Bliss Replacement

Friday, April 28, 2006

From my shiny phone

This is being posted from my phone. So now there really is no escape from the crazy world of rob.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Laser Eyes

Just got an email offering me cut price laser eye surgery. Not keen. Someone I know was talking about this and they said that it was easy peasy. No pain, no hassle, treatment went like a dream. Only thing was that, during the surgery you could actually smell your eyes burning.

All together now.... Eawwwwwwww.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Routemasters - a great way to travel

On Saturday I heard a very good piece of radio drama. Laugh out loud funny. It is called Routemasters and is about a time travelling bus. You might be able to find it here, it is usually broadcast on Saturday. Well worth tracking down.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Way to make a fool of myself

I was having coffee today when my phone rang.

"Do you want a mobile phone upgrade?" said the voice over the babble of a distant call centre.

No I don't. Just got a new phone as it happens. And about six months on my contract until I can get another one. I told the chap this as politely as possible and put the phone back in my pocket.

Five minutes later it rings again. Same babble in the background, similar voice asking if I was Mr Miles (if not I suppose I must be a phone thief I thought to myself grimly).

"Look" I said, with the air of a man barely supressing his patience. "I don't want a new phone, and if I do I'll go and get one. OK?" . It was all I could do to restrain the urge to press the red button and end the call.

Silence. Followed by "Sorry, it's just the garage calling to let you know your car is ready". Darn, darn, darn. I firmly believe that life just sets these things up for me specially, to ensure I look as much like an idiot as possible, as often as possible.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Freeview TV

Bought a Freeview box yesterday. I had this cunning plan to record Channel 5 programs onto one of my mobile gadgets. The box is very nice (and was startlingly cheap). Recieves loads of channels that I don't particularly want to watch. But not Channel 5. At the moment the aerial is in the loft. I think it probably needs to be stuck on the chimney. Unfortunately I have no head for heights (or desire to plummet to an early death). So I think I will have to pay someone else to risk life and limb for me.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Agent of Change

Some things you have to do because they are your job. At just before midnight tonight I was out making lots of people unhappy. Some years ago myself and Ian created the instation software for the Humber Bridge toll management system. It is our code which tots up the amounts paid and prints out all the shift summaries. And tonight the tolls go up. The system is designed to take this in its stride, and automatically upgrade to the new values when the old ones expire.

But because the tolls have not changed for a while it has not been used in anger for a few years. So tonight I went in so that I could watch some numbers update and convince myself that all was well.

01monitor

These are the numbers before they go up.

02ControlRoom

This is the view from the control room.

03midnightBridge

..and this is the view as I went back to my car. The update went fine, but I'm glad that I went anyway. Perhaps next time I'll trust it to work by itself...

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Numb Gums

Bought a new toothbrush today. Oh, the fast moving, globe trotting, lifestyle that I lead eh?

But this one is special. It vibrates. This is designed to loosen the ingrained plaque and stuff which my mouth is full of.

They were half price and had batteries in them. How could I go wrong? I've found out how. They make your mouth go numb. Oh yes. The vibration is quite high pitched and after twenty seconds or so you can't feel your lips or tongue. Very strange. Number one wife asked me how well the brush worked.

"Maykes yur mowf go mummm" I replied as best I could.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Driving Hell

Drove back home today. I say drove. More like crawled. Suffice it to say that the M1 was not kind to us. Why do other people have to use the roads when I want to? No fair. It is not as if I do a lot of driving. Perhaps infrequent drivers like me could be given a special pass which lets us use the inside lane (or all of them) at any time and force BMW drivers off the road. And they should put some special hardware into lorries so that when one doing 60.000001 mph decides to overtake one doing 60.0 mph the engine promptly explodes or the steering jams hard left causing both of the stupid things to hurtle off the motorway and smash into the nearest solid object, leaving the way clear for me stuck behind them. And those speed limit signs are a waste of time too. There are few things more annoying than being sat stationary for 20 minutes underneath a sign saying "maximum speed limit 60".

Thursday, April 20, 2006

What is wrong with this picture?

What is wrong with this picture?

Good Weather for Ducks

We went down to Slimbridge today to look at the ducks.
01flamingos
..and the flamingos.
02swans
..and the swans
03ducks
...and some ducks.
04family
...and a duck family.
05primer
These flamingos are just in their undercoats.
06crowsnests
..and these are crows nests. They are building them high in the trees this year which means something. Although I've no idea what.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Wet Whippys

Went down to Bristol today to meet up with the inlaws. We thought it would be nice to go out to the Downs to get an ice cream. And it would have been even nicer if the weather had been in a good mood. I wonder if there are any other nations where the people enjoy themselves by sitting in a car listening to the rain falling, eating an ice cream with a piece of Cadbury's flake in it? And we did enjoy ourselves too....

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Phony Fun

Test

Got new phone today. After several hours of fiddling with settings I managed to get this up on Flickr. Go me. Number one son is playing Battlefield 2. Great game by the way.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Bridge Walk

Went for a walk on the bridge today.

02plaque

..that is the award winning bridge.

04bridge

This is around the half way point.

05bridge
Big Tower

06bridge

They were not kidding about the wind.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

How Long Has the Bunny Got?

Number one daughter received this today (not from us - far too posh for us). Place your bets now on how long it has got...
07bunny

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Tops

I brought some whizzy light up top things back from San Jose.
01tops
I think you ought to know that this photograph was really hard to take.

Friday, April 14, 2006

A Hard Day's Work

Spent the day applying paint to surfaces. Garage doors, garden fences, metal railings, next door neighbours children etc etc.

Actually we feel terrible about the last one. And it wasn't Megan's fault. Some idiot (i.e. me) left the lid of the paint tin in a very exposed postion. So while we were carefully telling her not to touch the nasty, just painted, railings, she was able to catch her coat on the tin lid. Her mum was very understanding, and apparently it has washed off. And we are going to give her an easter egg. So we hope it will sort itself out at the end.
02beer
Just what you want after a hard day at work.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Which would you choose?

Been playing the "spring loaded game thing from Ikea" with number one daughter. One game a day. Presently winning two games to one. A game of serious skill. Well, which would you remove next?
03spring

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Another Convert

Very pleased to find that Ian likes Thin Ice too. Although he claims that the accents aren't authentic Derby. Like he knows.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Pretty Flowers

01orchids
The orchids are doing OK in the kitchen.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Cheese and Pickles

We now have two new family members. We got them some time back but I've just got around to posting. Apparently these are hamsters who can live together without eating each other. I hope so.
01wheel

But they haven't got the hang of the wheel yet.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The value of uselessness

I spent a very good portion of today doing nothing of use at all. Played silly video games, thought about washing the car (but didn't) and generally footled around. It is my considered opinion that in today's high pressure society we don't spend enough time just idling, and it is important that we stop to smell the flowers every now and then. Oh yes. Now where's that cup of tea....

Saturday, April 08, 2006

So. Are you a panther?

Got an Orange brochure today. I pick these up as a way of keeping track of what is happening in the mobile phone business (Orange are a mobile phone provider in the UK) . Orange have changed the way they describe their service plans. In the old days they use to have "light user", "heavy user", "business user" and the like. But that was too simple. Now they have Dolphins, Raccoons, Canaries and Panthers. What tosh.

As far as I can remember, raccoons are those nasty furry things that raid your dustbins and bite you. And as for how a dolphin can even hold a mobile phone, let alone dial a number, that is completely beyond me.

The thing that really gets up my nose is the fact that a bunch of "creative" types will have been paid a huge sum of money to come up with this rubbish. I can imagine the meeting:

Creative Drone 1: "What about a stoat?"
Creative Drone 2: "How so?"
Creative Drone 1:" Doesn't use the text much, but enjoys rabbiting"
Creative Drone 2:"Probably not the image we are looking for"
Creative Drone 1:"Elephant?"
Creative Drone 2"Go on"
Creative Drone1:"Doesn't need a phone with a very large memory"
..and so on. All at five hundred pounds an hour.

As a little test, here is the description of the plan, all you have to do is tell me which animal it is:

"If you want no-nonsense basics and see your phone as a tool not a toy, **** is for you."

So, what is it?

Friday, April 07, 2006

One One liner

I won't say he's unlucky, but he went on a blind date and her guide dog bit him.....

Thursday, April 06, 2006

No more big eyes

I've got my new proper working glasses now. They have replaced the "bug eyed" ones that I used to have to wear. I'm glad I've got rid of them, as they were scaring people who dropped by my office when I was in the middle of using the computer. The new ones look remarkably like my "proper" glasses, which means that I've taken to wearing them by mistake as I wander off down the corridor. It is only when I'm around 100 feet from my office that I realise that I can only see things that are exactly 18 inches away from my nose, and that everything else is a pleasantly coloured blur. I then have to navigate my way back crashing into walls and doors as I do so. Wonderful.

Actually, wearing more than one pair of glasses is actually quite useful. When you get asked a hard question by a student you can do something like:

Say "Well.....". Take off glasses thoughtfully, clean them, put them back in the case, take out other pair of glasses, clean them even more thoughtfully and carefully, put them on, stare intently at the computer screen for a few seconds and press a few keys. Tthen take off close up glases, put on normal glasses, turn to face student and continue "....that all depends."

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Writers Block

In a vain (in both senses of the word - but not the medical one) attempt to promote my literary prowess I've started a new section of my new robmiles.com web presence dedicated to my writings. It presently just contains a full version of my seminal "The Little Brown Ikea Pencil of Doom" and a work in progress of Trip Hazard. If enough people comment on the stuff there I might write some more. Provided you say nice things.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Pub Nite Prius Capers

Pub nite tonight. A chance to sit around and solve the problems of the universe. And create a few new ones. I explained my scheme for messing with people's heads using a Toyota Prius. This is a car which has a drive mechanism which allows it to be powered by an electric motor and so move along virtually silently.

Now you know how when a car passes you at speed it goes EEEEEEAAAAAWWWWW as the doppler effect makes it first sound high pitched as it comes towards you and then low pitched as it whizzes away? Well, I want to mount a speaker on a silent Prius that goes WWWWWAAAAAEEEEE as it goes past. So to the person it is passing the car just seems to go AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. (are you getting this). I was kind of wondering if people would actually notice that the car sounds more like a flying saucer than a real car.

Ian and Pete were mildly taken with the concept once I had got the idea accross. But not so taken as to buy a Prius and try it. If any (or either) of my readers gets round to doing this I'd love to know the result.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Imogen Heap Quite Literally Rocks

If you are a serious student of my blog (and who isn't) you will have heard me go on about Imogen Heap. Lots. If you have not bought or downloaded her album "Speak for Yourself" then shame on you (but also your loss). Anyhoo, some time back I found that she was playing in York, just down the road. Tickets at only ten pounds a pop? Take the whole family. So I did.

We started the evening with a meal in Pizza Hut. Once we had found one that could be persuaded to serve us. The first one was too busy to let us in. The second one let us in grudgingly. They all seemed surprised by the number of people who wanted to eat tea at tea time. Perhaps they should advertise less. The good news is that they were recruiting new staff. The part we were in was the holding pen for applicants who were sat forlornly formulating a satisfactory response to the question "Why do you want to work at Pizza Hut?". Actually, we thought of one or two good answers. But none that would actually get us a job... The meal deal we had entitled us to a free trip to the "Ice Cream Factory"....

01notchocolate

What can I say? I'm off chocolate for Lent. And no, I didn't actually manage to eat all this.

On the way to the venue the sky started doing interesting things:

02skyline

I thought pictures like this were always faked. But this isn't. Honest.

And then in to the concert.

03Earplugs

Like we will be needing those...

Just about everyone at the concert was a fraction of my age. And not a big fraction either. It kind of took me back to school disco days. Anyhoo, they were all fans too, from the way that they responded to the particular track announcements.

The evening kicked off with a set by Zoe Keating. I'd have loved to have heard her under slightly quieter circumstances. The noise of the people at the bar kind of got in the way of her cello playing, but what I did here was lovely. Another one to watch I think. Owing to being trapped on a sofa, I didn't actually managed to get a picture of her playing, but you can find out more here.

Then, at around 9:30, just as advertised, Imogen Heap took to the stage. By gum she was good. I've heard sets before where the singer doesn't have the "live voice" or the backing to sound right. She did. Stuff I've heard before and stuff I haven't sounded splendid.

04blue
In blue

05deepblue
In deep blue

06waves
In deeply trippy

06red
In red.

Then it was off back down the A1079 (the most evil road in the known universe) and home to bed. Thanks for a great evening Ms. Heap. It was wonderful to hear such a good performer who seemed to be enjoying doing her stuff in front of a live audience. Here's to the next tour. We'll be there.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Telly History

The telly in the kitchen has failed. It sort of works, but the picture comes and goes, along with the sound, in a way that we are pretty sure is not how the program maker intended. Antiques Roadshow with strobe effects. I think not.

So it was off down to the big shops to get a replacement. Two things struck me. Glass tellys are now so passe. If you want to buy a cheap, glass, TV you are sent into a sort of ghetto area of the store. They put them next to the Video Cassette recorders. Nuff said.

The second thing that struck me was how cheap these things are. When I was a youngster a TV was a pretty substantial investment. Even my first little black and white portable, which allowed me to watch Nationwide and Tomorrows World in glorious greyscale, was such an expense that I had to take out a three month loan to pay for it.

Nowadays a little telly costs around the price of a video game, certainly less than some boxed sets of DVDs. Strange.

Anyhoo, we selected a cheap little number from a company I've not heard too many bad things about and toddled home to plug it in.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

No Fun

I am now very old. So old that I can go on about the good old days. Summers were warmer. Beer was cheaper. The music was more tuneful. (or at least it had one). And April 1st was a fun day. The papers were full of stunts and spoofs. People put effort into being funny and there were some very good pranks. Nowadays there is nothing. I went through the paper and found very little of note. The funny bits were actually more boring than the real news. There was something close to an attempt at humour on the local radio, but it was more likely to start a riot than actually make anyone laugh. In fact the best stuff was nerdy coding stuff you can find here.

I'm wondering if the world is becomming a more serious place, or if I am losing my sense of humour. Perhaps in these strife ridden, energy strapped, over mortgaged, days there is just less to laugh at. I mean, apart from the wonderful Thin Ice and the new season of Green Wing there is pretty much nothing out there on telly.

Oh well, I think I'll listen to some Goons tapes...