Wobbly Software

Why is it that software I've been using in demo mode works fine until I pay for it? I've been using this DVD software (in an entirely legal and above board way I might add - converting my collection of home made birdsong DVDs into a portable format) which worked really nicely until I decided to bite the bullet and actually pay for the darned thing. At which point it starts rejecting specific DVDs which have really good bits of birdsong on them. I wonder how it knows that I've now paid and it no longer has to pretend to work anymore? Oh well.

Professional Chewing Gum

I swear the world has gone mad. You can now buy professional chewing gum. I saw an advert for it today on the telly. It cleans your teeth (or something) as you chew it. Apparently this means that it can be used in the office, and so they can call it "professional".

Does this mean that the other kind is now classified as "amateur"? Can you still use the professional gum when you are not at work? Will we see other things certified as "professional". Can we expect "professional" cornflakes?

Madness I tell you, madness.

Time Travel

Just seen a TV advert for an "Age Reversal Cream". Apparently it is so good that the sell by date is March 1963.

The Turn of the Seasons

I love the way that the seasons change in this country. The chill of winter gives way to the brightness of spring, which in turn steps aside to bring the heat of summer. And now we are seeing the mists, golds and browns of autumn. And I have a great big pile of leaves to clear off the lawn..

Don't Think Ill of Me

From the past couple of posts you may have formed the impression that I am some kind of dangerous type who plays with lifts and stuff. This is not true. Although I did think about going into an "Everything for a pound" shop, offering a pound and saying "Right, give me everything". But I never dared actually do it. And anyway, they probably get around fifty people a day who try that one.

The seminar was interesting. And there was a free plastic cup of coffee at the end. Double win!

Questions, Questions

...or how about getting a piece of bent metal, painting it red, putting a label "Lift Descent Speed Governer - do not remove" on it and leaving it on the floor of the lift (or just outside for someone else to find).

Looks like an interesting seminar on Wednesday which I'm going to go to. I've always wondered when they have a full nar....

Lift Laughs

We've just had our lift refurbished. One of the refurbishments includes the addition of a stentorian voice which says "Third Floor" and "doors opening" at nearly appropriate moments. This, along with a resounding "Bing Bong" to announce the arrival of the dangling box, is slowly driving mad those of us lucky enough to be in earshot of the darned thing.

We were talking about fun things you could do with a lift like this. I suggested putting, in the corner of the lift, a half empty drum of wire which is labelled "Acme Safety Lift Cable. Not to be used after 1998". That should get the pulses racing.

The Smell of the X Factor

I'm trapped in a house with two people who like "Casualty" and "X-Factor". This makes Saturdays a particularly unpleasant day of the week since both of these stupid programs are on. I don't want to think about Casualty just now as a person only has so much contempt in them on a daily basis, so instead let us consider X-Factor.

In case you haven't seen this, it consists of a seedy bunch of impresario touting different types of performing seal (sorry musical act) in front of each other, being rude about the acts and saying things like "I'm sorry Kelly, (or whatever name) I know you are 19 had have your whole life ahead of you but it turns out that you can't sing (or dance or whatever) and that therefore you have no future". One of the touts is the lady who had the sense and good taste to marry Ozzie Osborne. Nuff said. (actually I quite like the Osbornes, but that gets in the way of the rant a bit I suppose).

Anyhoo, rest of family is transfixed by this unpleasant tosh and so I have to go upstairs and watch quality entertainment on DVD. Thank heavens for The Simpsons.

Shooting and sudden death down with the kids

It is important to realise that, as you inevitably get older, there will come a point in your life when it is futile to try and get "down with the kids" and that any attempts to do this will just label you as desperate and sad. In my case this happened when I reached 12 years old. And today I was reminded of it again.

The students had organised a "FragFest", a computer based entertainment involving linking computers together via a network and then running programs that let the students pretend to kill each other. All good fun. I thought I would go along and run a post-ironic eye over the proceedings. I took along my bongo drums and the Gamecube because they were fun too.

A great time was had by all. I went and fetched my XBOX and TV so that I could take part in some of the carnage. Unfortunately I forgot the TV remote so that there was no way I could actually see the XBOX display, but the thought (or at least some of it) was there. It turned out that all the action was on the other computers so this turned out to be no great loss.

So then I cracked and went and fetched a laptop so that I could take part in the online shooting. There was no way I could be the worst person there? Except that I was. Time after time. Even the computer controlled players could beat me easily. And some of the things they said to me were quite insulting.

I not good at these games. My tendency to stand and ponder the finer intricacies of strategy before deciding what to do is not one of the best ways to play a fast moving shooting game. So I got shot a lot. So then I started running around aimlessly. And got shot a lot and fell off the edge a lot as well. Ho hum.

We finished around half-five. Everybody neatly and carefully packed up their stuff and left. I've put some pictures on my Spoke blog. I probably wasn't down with the kids as such. But I had a good time. And I will be back again. Well, somebody has to prop up the leadership board...

Haircut Sir?

I got my hair cut today. Not the first time ever, but the first time in quite a while. When I have enough for bunches I reckon that it is time to go and have a bit lopped off. The girl that cut my hair was new. "It's my first day" she said as she snipped away. "Oh, I've been coming here for years, as have all my family" I replied, helpfully raising the possibility that if she got this cut wrong she'd not just lose the business my long standing custom, but also a whole load of people.

The haircut is fine. I'm not an expert on haircuts. But number one wife (and even number one daughter) seem to approve.

Happy Endings

Ha. Worked fine. Must be cleverer than I thought. Or at least cleverer than me. Celebrated by running the tumble drier all night. I knew it was working OK when the whole downstairs started to shake. Now I'm worried about the state of my joists....

Bad Omens

Oh well. The washing machine seems to have decided not to spin dry any more. It sort of goes through the motions, but fails to get up any kind of turn of speed. It is either a clever load balancing thing which has decided that washing a single towel is a bad idea or the motor has run out of puff.

As a kind of "kill or cure" we've just put in a load of assorted things. This will either work fine and prove the happy theory or both prove the sad theory and leave us with a huge pile of wet washing.

I can't wait.

Good Omens

I arrived at work this morning to park in the last free space in the near car park. Oh happy day. I did this just as the record I was listening to finished playing. Oh happier day.

The fact that I reckon these are good things is probably more of a comment on my nature than anything else. Anyhoo, I walked to the office expecting at least news of a major lottery win waiting for me. And not one which involves paying large sums of money to someone in Amsterdam as "customs fees".

Nothing. But then again, the day is not over yet..

It's a Gas Man

I opened the door this morning. Outside was a gas man in a flourescent jacket who was panting and looking exhausted. "You look tired" I opined. "So would you be, if you'd just done a hundred meters" he replied.

But seriously folks, we got a new gas meter today. It was one of those stuations where they named the time and the date and then arrived at the right time on the right date. Well, I suppose it has to happen sometimes.

The job was very quick and slick. I wanted him to put the meter in backwards, so I get paid for heating the house, but apparently this is not an option.

Golfing

My brother in law let me drive his brand new VW Golf today. Very nice. The dashboard would not look out of place in Concorde. And everything lights up. Even the footwell. I could look down and make sure that my feet were still attached. And when you press the go pedal it gets faster. This is unlike my existing car. When you press the go pedal in my car the engine convenes a meeting of all relevant components. After a frank and fair exchange of views a vote is taken and, if the majority to accellerate is more than 60% with no more than 10% abstentions, the rev counter is allowed to increase by around 500 rpm.

Not so with the Golf. When you press the go pedal in that something hard kicks you in the small of the back and you notice that the scenery is now going past more quickly. It doesn't get any noisier, rattlier or bouncier (the three ways you can tell that my car is now going downhill) - it just gets faster.

And yet, I still prefer mine. It has that well worn patois, that feeling of familiarity, that lack of footwell lights which seems to fit well with me. And I'm not scared to leave it in carparks. Of course, if I could actually afford a new Golf this might be different.

Hull in Looking Good Shock

Hull centre was looking in particularly fine form today.

Scary Carparks

I was standing in line to buy the car park ticket today when I heard a most awful noise. It was like the distant wail of lost souls. Imagine the sound that people make at a theme park when the big ride goes over the top. Then take that "Ahhh", slow it down to quarter speed and play it in a minor key. Every time that someone went down the stairs this mournfull wail issued forth.

I was becomming convinced that the unsuspecting shoppers were indeed entering the very bowels of hell, when I realised that it was actually the noise made by air escaping from the door closers.

But it was still a scary moment.

Food as Opera

We all stood in the kitchen looking at the little tray of sausages which were the meal for the evening. By Friday nobody has much energy left for making culinary delights. So, out came the takeaway menus. We got a new menu through the door last week and, for the first time ever, ordered a meal for home delivery. Sure enough, at the appointed time a chap turned up with the food. It was excellent.

This time we thought we'd asuage some of the guilt incurred by not cooking by walking to the place and picking up the food. Also, we wanted to find out what it was like. The takeaway is called La Scala (70 King St. Cottingham, 01482 840073). It turns out not to be a place where fat ladies sing. More a place where slim ladies cook. It looks more like a nightclub than a takeaway. All was hustle and bustle and smart young things putting orders into bags.

We picked up the food and trundled home. Again, it was very nice. If you are after good takeaway food in Cott. (athough I must admit it costs a little bit more than our usual place) with a very wide range of dishes, you could do a lot worse than check them out.

The Yellow Star Kid

Just hit 10 feedback points on Ebay. I now have a yellow star after my name. Great!. Now to start selling those plasma TVs for fifty quid each.....

He Drives Through the Night

Here's a plan. Sit in your comfortable, warm, room at home and use your awsome powers to restart a machine around three miles away. Then marvel at your good fortune when the restart goes wrong and all is silent on the network. Swoon as you recall that the system is required for laboratory work in the department which starts at 9:15 am in the morning.

Then curse, go out into the driving rain, get into the car and fume into work to press a button on the front of the darned machine so that it starts up properly.

And I didn't even get a hero's welcome when I got back home again.

Need for Madness

I've got to come up with something mad in around 15 minutes. My own stupid fault. We've set the Student Games Programming Club the challenge for each of them to storyboard a mini-computer game. Of course, in the spirit of leading from the front I've got to create one as well. I think this is why leading from the front has fallen into disrepute in military circles.

Absolutely no idea at the moment. The game must take around five seconds to play, involve graphics and sounds, and not be obscene or defamatory. But still be fun. Ho hum.

The presentation is in around an hour. I'll let you know (presupposes existence of audience - but I'll go with that for now) how I get on. I'm going to try to persuade the students to let me put all the efforts out on the web for the big wide world to enjoy....

Smartphone and Drinkies

My little smartphone can take nice pictures. I call this one "the start of a good night out".

Absence Makes....

Number one son has been gone over a week now. Only last week we installed him, my Creative Jukebox and a load of other stuff in his room in Durham.

I really do miss that jukebox.

Meanwhile, in a Car Park in Hull...

I just liked the colour of the rails. OK?

Proper Cleaning

Number One Wife doesn't like it when I do the cleaning. It is not that I don't do it properly. It is just that I try to do it too properly. Where a quick vacum round would do I insist on dismantling the sofa to get out into all the hard to reach bits that are not really dirty anyway. This means that I get around a fifth of the way round the room before I either run out of time or get bored with the job. So we have one part of our house which is really clean and the rest... Come round some time and see if you can spot where I've been.

Inferiority Complex

Having a blog is a bit like having kids. Same relentless requirement for attention. Same not being sure that anyone is listening to what you are telling them. Same feelings of guilt when you neglect them for a week or so.

Ho hum, I'm up to date now though. One thing that upsets me a bit is that when I publish this new fangled blog a message comes up saying "If you have a large blog this may take several minutes to complete". This is replaced in about half a second by a message saying "100% complete". Awwww.

Legal Redress

Bought a bottle of Baby Bio and settled the action out of court. I've thrown the dice in the bin (not that they told me to do this).

Litigous Foliage

My plant is taking me to court. Apparently its dice say "Sue Your Owner".

Kiss the Office Nerd

Some time ago I bought a couple of dice in a plastic box thing. They have instructions on them. One die has actions like "Kiss", "Fire", "Start a rumour about" and the other has people "The Office Nerd", "The Boss", "The Secretary".

The idea is that you throw them and then live your life that day by what they come up with. So...

Today I have to Start a rumour about my Potted Plant.

Which means that I have to buy a plant I suppose.

If you want me to roll the dice and determine your future, let me know.

Collecting My Thoughts

Back at work, home from Collectormania. I'm not sure I should confess to attending such things. But I like them and it's my blog. So there. In an effort to change the style slightly the organisers made us queue outside for two and a half hours in the freezing cold. Even my natural bonhomie is severely tested under such circumstances.

Then we got inside and were allowed to queue some more. And all for a scrawl on a picture which costs so much that I'm too embarrased to reveal the amount. I keep wondering how the stars feel; having to meet up with nerds like me and sign pictures of themselves in their prime. I suppose the money helps though. I'm quite pleased that I never really had a prime like that.

The highlight was definitely Carrie Fisher, although she didn't say that much to me. I don't think me explaining how to spell "Rob" really helped a great deal.

A Legend Writes For Me

Carrie (I feel I can call her that now) filling in my autographed picture. You can just read my name on the photo. Kewl eh?

Almost as nice as Hull

Took number one son to his new place of study today. He has been forbidden to attend Hull for obscure family tradition reasons.

If you are going to live somewhere that isn't Hull, it might as well be somewhere nice.
I've told him that we will always have a place for him back home. At least until the lodger moves in...

Project Meetings - and something big coming up soon

Had a bunch of student project meetings this morning. Good progress being made. Keep up the good work folks. Then off to Doncaster to give a presentation about how to do projects (I'll put the slides up tomorrow).

I'm presently planning a big upheaval. And not because I've been eating a lot of rich food lately. The whole Rob Miles brand is being overhauled and things moved around. Keep watching this space. Or find something more useful/productive to do and do that instead.