Don't believe everything you read on the net

Went down to Reading today to give a talk for Microsoft. Being of sound mind I went onto the Travlodge web site (for it is they that will be providing me with a bed for the night) and got an AA provided route to their location.

Or did I?

Upon arrival I just followed the route as supplied. Which took me to a jet ski lake in the middle of nowhere. Not amusing. It turns out that the AA router just takes the postcode (which must cover an area around the size of Canada) and then finds the place in it which is furthest from the point you want to be.

When I finally arrived at my location, around an hour late and somewhat upset, I asked the receptionist if anyone had ever mentioned that the route to chez Travelodge, as downloaded from their web site was, shall we say, a little cuckoo. She groaned and shook her head. "It is wrong", she admitted, "But there is nothing we can do about it".

Apparently Head Office, which runs the web site and is probably noting a downward trend in arrivals at this particular lodge and may even be preparing a crack team of accountants (can you have such a thing? he wondered) to go in and fire all the staff, has been alerted but has not done anything about the problem. Good for them.

A word of warning to the wise from an idiot. Do not trust the AA directions. (actually, as I remember I've had problems with them before). Use the RAC or (dare I suggest such a thing) a paper map.

An Appeal

We tuned over to BBC 2, University Challenge just in time to hear the quizmaster say:

"Michael Howard and Britney Spears. Correct"

But what was the question? What was the question?

Not Really Sunday

There is something really relaxing about the Sunday before a Bank Holiday. Everything is in the normal "Sunday" place, but you don't have to go to work the next day. Lovely.

Heading For Darwin

As I stood in a high wind balanced on a stool directing the pressure washer jet over my head onto the roof of the conservatory this afternoon I reflected that this was just the kind of thing that people do before making an appearence in the celebrated Darwin awards, which are usually awarded postumously to people who prove that Darwin was right by doing stupid things which subsequently kill them.

As it happens I was lucky, and nothing particularly bad happened. I had taken the precuation of not drinking fifteen pints of Bud before starting out (which most winners usually do). The major irritation was that pesky wind, which sent clouds of water back over me in a most unfortunate way, so I did get very wet. But now the roof of the conservatory is nice and clean.

The Force is Strong in This One

A long time ago in a Galaxy Far Away (tm) a bloke called George made a nice little film. It was self contained, had special effects that were way ahead of its time and a really good orchestral score. And he kept all the merchandising rights. The film was a big, big, big success. And so George set about making the enterprise into a franchise, making out like it was always meant to be that way. And like a kid caught out on a big lie, he made bigger and bolder lies to try and cover himself.

George: "This is really one of nine films you know"
Audience: "No way"
George: "Way. And you know Luke's love interest?"
Audience: "Yeah, that Princess with the funny hair"
George: "She's really his sister."
Audience: "No way. You'll be telling us next that Darth is Luke's dad.."
George: "Hmm..... Do you like teddy bears?"

..and so on. Actually George did two clever things after Star Wars 1 (or is it 4), sell a lot of plastic toys and make the thing into a soap opera. And so now we come to "Star Wars 3, The Revenge of the Sith". My expectations were pretty low. And they were confounded quite a bit. The film was great (although it did make the person behind me burst into tears at the end).

The acting was a bit wooden and there was a whole lot too much going on. All the poignant bits between Annakin and his wife were played out to a background of zillions of spaceships going aimlessly back and forth, like a love scene being played out in front of the M1 motorway. Even the final death bed scene of the princess (hope I'm not giving too much away here folks) had a pointless flashing blue light in the background. Why a flashing light? And why blue?

All the fight scenes were huge, as if George had watched the Lord of the Rings and said to the production team "I want all three episodes worth in one two minute sequence". But the film was still good. And considering the origins of the story, it actually held together pretty well.

If nothing else the film proves that the shopping centres in the UK that have banned people wearing hooded sweatshirts are definitely on to something. At the beginning of the film Annakin is hoodless and happy, trading quips with his jedi master as he battles evil. By the end he is deeply hooded, just like his nasty boss. And his eyes light up too, which is always a bad thing.

In short, if you want an uplifting experience with snappy dialogue and a light romantic nature, then don't go and see this film. If you want to see how it all ends/starts then it is definitely worth a trip.

More TV

...then there is my idea for the show which is about women who stay at home making illegal copies of old Microsoft operating systems : "Dospirate Housewives".

(and I promise that will be the last)

TV Show

Just had an idea for a TV show. It would be about women who live at home and are not the same as each other. I'd call it "Disparate Housewives".

Thank you and good night.

Danish Classes

Met up with a bunch of folk from Denmark today. They had come to Hull to find out what I've been doing with Microsoft Class Server, a nifty program which drives parts of our C# Programming course. I gave them a run through of the system, which seemed to go OK, and they were kind enough to present me with a nice thermal jug from Stelton. Great for keeping "proper coffee" warm. Thanks folks, much appreciated.

As a gesture of appreciation I refrained from telling them the "Orange for a Head" joke. Well, it seemed the right and proper thing to do...

The Eyes Have It

Got my new glasses today. The world is now all sharp and clear and jumping out at me. The new specs are varifocals, which seem rather strange at the moment. I can get all kinds of pop video effects just by tipping my head at an angle and turning round. I'd hate to wear them whilst drunk...

Aerial Views

I just like the colours of the sun on the metal.....

Marking's End

Finished making exams today. Used up my last red pen. Now I can get on with really fun stuff.

Like gardening....

A Vision of Europe

Watched the Eurovision contest today. I couldn't tell the difference between the UK song and the one that won, but apparently most people around europe could. It occurs to me that the only way we can win now is if the UK becomes "un-united" and every region of the country enters their own song. Yorkshire could sing "On Ilkley Moor By Tat" and so on (I once heard that played on a train hooter by a particulary inventive driver as we came into Leeds station). The we all vote like mad for each other's entries...

Having said that, as a spectacle the event was huge success, the staging and the performances were wonderful. My favourite was the one with the angle grinders. Some director must have watched "Scrapheap Challenge", seen the show of sparks that you get when you cut through cast iron, and decided that they really should fit that into a song. Great stuff.

Making My Mark

Spent today either marking or attending meetings about exam marks. I measure my progress through the marking process in a unit called "red pens". Used up the first one today, at least one more to go.

Movie Mogul Meal

Got tea (chicken in white wine with mushrooms) out of the fridge to cook it. The instructions said:

"Remove cardboard sleeve and film."

Ever one to oblige I got out the tripod and camera......

Radiating Disapproval

Earlier this week I noticed that the radiator in the bathroom was not getting hot. This meant that when I got out of the shower the towel was not toasty warm. At my age this kind of thermal shock can be dangerous, so I thought I'd see what was wrong.

The radiator was mostly full of air. But I had answer, in the form of the special key which you can use to open the top and bleed the air out. (and I only took an hour to find it too - go me). The problem was that when I did the bleeding job (not swearing) not all the air would come out. Hmm. Strange. It was almost as if there was no water going in to the system. Now this is potentially dangerous. You can view the water in a heating system as the thing which cools down the boiler and stops it from bursting into flames/melting/exploding. All bad words.

So it was up into the loft to find out where the water was not coming from. The ball cock had got stuck. This means that no water was getting into the header tank, which consequently looked like all the reservoirs will look in 3 months if the weather man is to be believed. A quick waggle and a squirt of WD40 and everything was back to gurgling normality. I'm not sure if I should worry about where the water went in the first place......

Twenty Six Pence Worth of Problems

Got home this evening to a less than happy household. The washing machine had finished its run and rather absent mindedly forgotten to remove the water from itself. Cue wet kitchen floor and much angst.

I thought it might be a wheeze to take a look in the pump filter. I was kind of hoping that something had stopped it from draining properly. I found three coins (and it wasn't even a fountain). A grand total of 26 pence. I guess someone (not me - I dream of having so much loose change) had left the cash in their pocket, from there it had made its way into the internals of the machine and bunged up the outlet. We did two washes and it seemed to work OK.

I've always had a problem with washing machines. Ages ago I bought one of the first computer controlled ones because it is a well known fact that "the mechanical controllers always go wrong". After two failed motors and a broken drum bearing I have revised this theory. I now buy the cheapest one I can get and then throw it away after a few years. This one was quite cheap, and for it the tip may be looming.....

Invigilating People

Spent the afternoon invigilating an exam: "Elements of Politics".

Question 3: "To what extent are traditional social cleavages still relevant for explaining political behaviour today?"

We engineers never got questions with words like "cleavages" in them.

Camden Lock

Camden Lock
Originally uploaded by RobMiles.

Just a Sunday in Camden Lock a week ago. Nice place to be...

This is a test post from Flickr which seems to have worked. I'm going to put the odd (and I do mean odd) picture up there every now and then.

Normal Saturday

Had a normal Saturday for the first time for a while. Normal is nice. Footled around with a few things, went up town and didn't buy anything. Good (and economical) times.

One in the eye for Rob

Went for an eye test today. Not before time. I've been meaning to go for a while, at my age the eyes are one of the many things which can go wrong with ones' self.

Only I would have an eye test on Friday 13th. At least I didn't go for laser surgery (I've done some research on this, and it turns out that they don't actually put lasers into your eyes - so it seems a bit pointless really).

Anyhoo, it was off down to Asda and into the chair:

"Can you read that chart over there on the wall?"
"What wall?"

I wanted to use my favourite gag:

"Have your eyes ever been checked?"
"No, they've always been blue"

- but the chap was more interested in giving me a proper eye test than exchanging old jokes. It turns out that my eyes have changed a bit, nay a lot. And that I now need varifocals. These are the ones that let you closely examine someones' nasal hair whilst appearing to look over their shoulder into the distance. I can't wait.

Apparently the difference between my long and short sight disabilities is so great that there was some discussion as to whether or not varifocals will work. I can imagine the scene behind the counter:

First Optician: "I'm not sure that this is a good idea"
Second Optitican: "Why not?"
First Optician: "Well, the power of the lenses. In the wrong hands they could...."
Second Optician: "Yes, I know all about that, only a man with unusally strong mental abilities could control them and use them as a force for good"
(looks over at me trying to read the numbers on my Smartphone...)
Second Optician: "..and I think we might just have found him."
Me: "Is that a three or a five?"

The new glasses arrive in a few weeks.

Party Time

Machinery has been arriving on campus for the Summer Ball which is on Friday. This is part of some ride or other. I've noticed that they are setting up some dodgems in the car park. Which strikes me as kind of funny.

Fox's Liquorice & Aniseed

Hmmm. Sounded a reasonable idea in principle. Take two flavours I quite like and then merge them into a single confection. And they were doing two for the price of one at Waitrose (we are not posh - we just went there to buy sweets).

Good thing I didn't actually get two packs. They taste horrible. And it is a sneaky kind of horrible too. The first couple of seconds in your mouth they don't taste too bad, it is as if your taste buds are trying to make sense of the mixed messages they are receiving. However, slightly later they decide that both tastes are horrible. And they are.

If there is anyone with no tastebuds, or who wants to build a little tiny sweetie wall for their Hansel and Gretal scale model, or who needs a torture method that won't leave marks (apart from a black tongue) then they are welcome to get in touch and take the bag off my hands.

Soon, before I get tempted to try another one to prove to myself that they aren't that bad....

The Awful Truth

Last week at Collectormania I saw a poster for the new Star Wars film which scared me deeply. I'm putting this information out into the public domain because then "they" can't catch up with me and silence me for ever. Even so, read on only if you dare know the truth....

The poster was a picture of the people involved with the new film. I looked with mild interest at the assorted wookies and so on. Then my eyes alighted on the picture of director and it hit me like a large heavy thing designed for hitting hard.

George Lucus is Rolf Harris.

The resemblence is scary. And surely not coincidental. And I bet they've never been seen in the same room together. Only one thing puzzles me: If my theory is true, and I'm pretty sure it is, how come someone so gifted, so able to put together such moving pieces of art which have touched so many people around the world actually managed to produce something as poor as "The Phantom Menace"? Rolf, you should be ashamed of yourself....

Gizmondo GPS Power

Got the firmware in the Gizmondo upgraded on Saturday. This means that the Global Positioning System now works. Above you can see the machine telling me I'm at the university (I actually knew this - but it is nice to have it confirmed)

Whistle and I'll come to ye....

Sunday finds us in Covent Garden. Lovely place to spend a while. Good food at Pontis, lots of interesting things to look at and stuff going on. And they have a gadget shop or two. Bought some nice toys including a keyfinder thing. If you lose your keys you whistle and it chirps and flashes to let you know where they are. These have been around for a while but this one was quite cute, had a blue led, and only two quid.

When we got back after our six hour return coach trip and I'd had a cup of strong tea to get things going again I of course got out the keyfinder and tried to play with it. I seem to have forgotten how to whistle. Nothing worked. Fortunately, I have in my possession a swanee whistle. So if you see me wandering round the house sounding like a clanger, you'll know I have lost my keys....

Update: I have now located the particular note which makes keyfinder work every time. I'm now perfecting this particular pitch. Yes, I'm teaching myself to whistle in case I ever lose my keys.

Powered by Lemsip

So, after a very early night and some extra strength LemSip (you know you are ill when LemSip tastes nice) it was up bright and early and off to the bus stop. Lucky old us live on the very tail end of the bus route, which means that the journey to London took around six hours. That includes a stop to take on water. And another to get rid of it.

London was busy, bustling and, just after we arrived, very wet. However it settled down to slightly better weather and I toddled off to the first of my two appointments, leaving number one wife in the restful surroundings of Oxford Street. First up was to get my Gizmondo upgraded at the Gizmondo shop. This is a very posh affair on Regent Street full of Good Looking People (tm) who stand around looking cool and sell hi-tech gadgets to nerdish types like me. We will never be as cool as them. But they'll never know how the gadgets really work. So I guess it levels out.

Anyhoo, the man upgraded my Gizmondo with a couple of muffled oaths and an SD card and I bought a couple of games. I would have bought a case too, but they had sold both of the ones they had in stock....

Then on the tube down to the Microsoft House. This is a house full of gadgets and therefore a magnet for people like me who try to achieve cool by buying them (see above). Actually, gadgets are becoming the in thing in a big way. We got on the coach this morning and the first thing I saw was the girl in front of me start replaying video calls from her 3G phone. Then the lady to my right pulled out her digital camera and had a long discussion with her friend about how she was going to transfer the pictures onto her PC. Next a bloke right at the front gets out his portable DVD player and fires up a film. I had to work very hard to resist the temptation to pull out the Gizmondo, my media centre and the SPV phone and shout "Look, I'm the gadget daddy on this bus!". But I didn't. And I bet some of them on the coach blog as well.

Anyhoo, the Microsoft House was very cool. All in the shops too. Just need the money now.....

Then on to Harrods to meet up with number one wife and eat some scones. Splendid. On the way back we found that they had closed a tube line in our honour and so we arrived late for tea. But the nice people at the hotel put a special meal and, with half a bottle of wine in me to keep out the cold, all should be well for the night.

Cold War

Arrgh. I hate having a cold. Head full of snot and no brain. Try to string two thoughts together and end up with one and a half wrong ones. Never try to mark anything when you can't remember the start of the sentance as you are reading the end. Or you can't stop things pouring out of your nose and heading for the report pages....

And the funny thing? The really funny thing?

Tomorrow morning I must rise at 6:15 am to get on a bus and go to London for a weekend away.

Well, at least nobody threw darts at it...

Poster was quite well received. Even got some questions about the content. The presentations themselves were also interesting. About the best one was from a guy who had actually bested Steve McConnell in an argument. I was a bit surprised to find that not everyone in the audience about a conference concerning teaching programming had read the seminal work "Code Complete". In my opinion this would be a bit like your driving instructor getting in the car and going "Really must read that Highway Code thing some time".

But at least the lecturers at Hull have read and applaud this great manuscript. (I was recently talking to a chap who runs a software development company. His first question to potential hires is "Have you read 'Code Complete'?". If the answer is no he finds a polite way to bring the interview to a close as soon as possible.) Actually I'm being very unfair here (but it is my blog). I taught programming for years before I happened accross a copy of this book in Borders one fine day. The good news is that everyone wrote the name down and seemed keen to take a look.

Of course if you have not read this book then you should find it, buy it, and then read it asap. And then have a policy of getting it down once every few weeks and re-reading one of the chapters.

Anyhoo, back to the plot and my little poster (which I have put here by the way). Everything went well and I got back into the hire car to drive home. Nice car the Mondeo. A little too easy to find reverse in my opinion (apologies to the scary way my reversing lights came on at that busy junction Mr. Bus Driver) but fun to drive - once you figure out that the thing on the steering wheel is not the on switch for the radio, but cruise control (that was kind of scary too). Things got even better when I found the switch to lower the seat to a "head not stuck in the roof" kind of position.

And then home. Still got a horrid cold though.

"Look at the size of that thing...."

Got my poster printed today. Just as well, since tomorrow I'm presenting it at a conference. Hats off (if I was wearning more than one hat) to James for doing such a sterling job of printing out 1 x 1.5 metres worth of poster magic. I daren't look at the thing (of course) because as soon as I do I'll see the massive spelling error in letters two inches high.

Then it was into the hired car and away down the motorway to Oxford, my precious cargo in a cardboard tube specially stolen from Rich..

Becoming Unwell

I'm coming down with something. My throat seems to have been lined with one of those rougher grades of sandpaper. As obtained straight from the budgie's cage. My tones have become not so much dulcet as sub-basement.

Thumbs Up for Hitchhiker

I vividly remember the evening, around 28 years ago, when I tuned in one evening to a little radio show on the BBC. Within 30 seconds of hearing it I know I wanted to get a copy of this, so I recorded them all. Then I bought the album. Then I bought the book. Then I bought the other album. Then I watched the TV show. And so on. You could say I liked it.

It was very sad when I heard that Douglas Adams had passed away. A genius of high order.

So I was somewhat nervous about going to see the film. But I needn't have worried. It is super terrific. Not just a good realisation of the Hitch Hikers but a good film in its own right. People have complained that it is not like the book. As if the book was the thing anyway. I remember people moaning that the book was not like the radio show. It was ever thus. There is no thing to be like anything else. There is just a great radio show, a thought provoking read, a nice little TV show and now a thumping good film.

They are all different things. But all the essentials were there, and given the constraints of a big budget, high risk, Hollywood funded venture I reckon they did Douglas proud.

Just go and see it.

Ho for Milton Keynes

So it was up with the lark (I'd hate to be a lark, all that getting up early) and off down to MK for another Collectormania thing. They have stalls and stars and stuff. And I like going. They had all kinds of things there, it is amazing what people collect, from trading cards to great big axes which they have signed by the actors who swung them.

Made a few investments (OK, I bought some bits and bobs) and met up with the stars (no chitchat and just one photograph please).

They were plugging the new War of the Worlds movie. I seem to remember one of these some time back, nothing like the book and therefore rubbish. At the end they found that seawater dissolved the martians and that was that. I think this reflects a rather poor standard of forward planning on the part of the invaders:

Martian Leader: "Summon forth the Chief Scientist"
Chief Scientist: "Here, your excellency"
Martian Leader: "So, what of this planet earth?"
Chief Scientist: "Seems safe enough to me"
Martian Leader: "What of these 'oceans' that cover most of the surface"
Chief Scientist: "I dunno really, but I don't suppose they could be much of a problem"
Martian Leader:"Good enough for me. Ready the battlefleet for launching....."

..but the Jeff Wayne musical version is superb.