Thin Tyres are Silly

I drove past a car today which had unfeasibly thin tyres. They looked like fat elastic bands wrapped around the shiny metal rollers which were the wheels. What made it all the more strange was that the car itself was an off roader supposedly intended to take on ploughed fields and the like. A bit hard to do with low profile racing slicks...

I'm waiting for the pendulum to swing back and huge, balloon like, tyres to become fashionable. Now they would look cool.

This is Quite Addictive

Hmmm. I've thought of a couple more:

The jellyfish comedian had always wanted a funny bone.

The dish was concerned about the way that her father kept introducing her to spoons.

I promise that there will be no more tommorrow....

One Million Footnotes - plus my three

I've found an amazing blog. You can take a look here. It is amazing how just a few words can capture a moment or feeling so efficiently.

I thought I'd have a go:

"The disguised horse was working under an assumed mane"

"'That's funny' he thought. And laughed"

"The piano was taking human lessons"

On Sunday you Clean the Car

I'm a bit worried (nothing new there then eh?). Last week I washed the car. This week I had it serviced. These two actions are usually the overture to something large and expensive falling off the said vehicle. Today I thought I'd go the whole hog and clean the car inside as well. That way at least we can find the seats and steering wheel etc. Although this probably means that the engine will explode in the next few days.

The Art of Discovery

Number one wife came home from shopping today to find me using the vacum cleaner. This is what I call good timing. We have got guests coming round and this usually spurs a marathon effort of tidying and cleaning - the one thing a bloke should never say in this situation is "it looks OK to me". This apparently code for "I have no eyes and the standards of a concussed wart-hog. Please remind me of this...."

Anyhoo, had a really good evening. Number on son cooked his trademark dish, Chilli, and we sat around solving the world's problems and drinking (or is that by drinking?).

Is it Friday Already?

Weeks go faster in term time. But they also wear you out more quickly. By Friday I'm down to my second knees. Had some good final year project meetings though. I hate it when students say "I can't really program" and then show you a really neat piece of work with graphics and things sliding around the screen. Perhap it is the British knack for self deprecation coming to the fore though.

Went home to a hero's welcome as usual (or at least I think they noticed when I walked in). And fish and chips. And I know which I'd prefer.

The Case of the Missing Key

Well, term is running flat out now and so I'm doing my lecturing thing. Those of you who have actually attended one of my lectures will know what I'm on about (or not). I've started writing programs in lectures to make them more interesting (or not).

Today I took my prized Playstation keyboard in to knock out the C# samples. Went really well until I needed a vertical bar character (it means OR). The Playstation keyboard is built for the US, my tablet is set for UK. And I could not type a vertical bar. Cue a lot of very amusing (at least for the audience) messing around to try and find the dratted thing. Ended up drawing it using the tablet pen. Oh well. At least the programs worked in the end.

May the Force Be With You

We watched Star Wars on DVD tonight. Well, we had to. Like a social duty. We paid to see the film. We we paid to see the special edition. We bought the video version. And we bought the DVD version. George Lucas has sold us essentially the same thing around five times now. Go George.

So Princess Leia stands looking at Han. He holds in his arms the body of her brother, covered in swamp water and other yeccky stuff. She looks into Hans' eyes and says "Why are you giving me such a filthy Luke?".

The film was great fun though. Never realised before that both Luke and Han say "I've got a bad feeling about this" at different points in the film. What dialogue.

We (Oh, alright me then) have been playing a game. I reckon that just about anything can be made to sound authentic and Star Warsy(tm) just by putting the word "Luke" after it. As in "I'm just going to fetch the washing in..... Luke". Of course you have to have the right accent. And finish with "if you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine...".

Strength of Ten Men

I'm trying to get fit. The machine that I bought last week from Ebay is for exercising. I'm not particularly proud of this turn of events. To my mind I should get all the exercise that is required doing manly hunter-gatherer things like chasing tigers and felling mammoths with a single blow. Unfortunately my present existence does not give much of an opportunity to do these kinds of things. And so I've bought an exericise machine off Ebay.

Apparently, just buying the machine does not actually make you fitter (although carrying it upstairs seemed a good start). You actually have to use it. And more often than once a month. Anyhoo, I now have a regime which involves a few minutes of mindless plodding at regular intervals during the day.

The machine has a heart monitor, which is nice. The wire fell off and I did a couple of miles with a heartbeat of zero. I'd kind of appreciate a warning when this happens. Although what I'd do in that situation is not clear...

Too Much Irony In My Diet

The students are back on campus. They have been here a week now and things are starting to settle down(i.e. they've stopped using maps to find the library).

We had our first lab last week and I'm beginning to worry if I might not have been a bit too ironic. I actually like working in the practicals because it is very interesting to see how different people attack the same problem. And you can have some great conversations. But perhaps I forget that I am a fallible person when having these conversations:

Student: "I've forgotten my password"
Me: "What's your username, I'll look it up"
Student: "I don't know that either"
Me: "It's on the registration document that I asked you to bring to the lab"
Student: "I left it at home"
Me: "Oh. OK. I know how to deal with this. Have you got a pen"
(Student rummages around in bag and produces biro)
Me: "Now write 'Idiot' on your forehead so that I know for next time..."

I did sort everything out. We have a bunch of temprary usernames for just this eventuality. But I must remember that I am the person that sent an Ebay package to the wrong address.

Incidentally, getting people to write things on their forehead is quite a good party game thingy (but I'd put some paper there to avoid too much embarrasment). You tend to write things the wrong way round which can be quite amusing.

Shake Rattle and Roll

Many years ago I was invited to a party. I put on my best white suit (yes - really) got into my (t)rusty Mini and hurtled off into the night. On the way to the bash the silencer fell off the car. Apparently there are some people who are impressed by a vehicle which arrives with an enormous noise and a shower of sparks. But I didn't think that anyone I was going to see would fit into that category. So I limped home and the next day I spent 27 quid on a new silencer.

Four days after that the same car failed its MOT on a number of counts (amongst them not actually having a floor) and so I scrapped it.

I've never felt the same about Minis since.

I was reminded of this sad episode by the noise that the big car was making yesterday. It sounded exactly as if it was dragging a portion of itself along behind. Fortunately this turned out not to be the case, but the noise was still impressive. I took it along to the place where they put the silencer on a few months ago and they fettled it so that it is quiet again.

Pesky Wasps II

Pesky wasps are back again. They have returned to their nesting place above the porch as a cheery welcome to anyone daft enough to visit Chez Miles. Next door are having the council come round, at an expense of 40 quid, to deal with their wasp's nest (although admittedly theirs is at the top of the house). Anyhoo, no 40 quid bill for me (I forgot to ring the council). So instead it is out with the £1.79 wasp killer from the local hardware store.

The instructions said "Direct at entrance to nest and squeeze". So, wearing my best elbow length gloves I took careful aim and let fly. Nothing happened. So I tried again. About half a teaspoon full of the white powder dribbled out. So I tried a mighty double hander.

The results were most impressive. The lid of the container popped off and a huge jet of powder flew out and up into the air, forming a large white cloud of wasp death which drifted lazily over the garden and landed on my car. So it was out with the bucket and sponge to try and wash the stuff away before whatever lethal chemical is in it ate a hole in my paintwork. I think/hope that a fair amount actually went into the nest as well, so we shall see. As for me, I'm pondering about the symptoms of insecticide poisoning and wondering why I can't feel the tips of my fingers....

Pesky wasps.

The Thing Arrived

The thing arrived this morning. First thing. In a big cardboard box. Just when they said it would. So I gave good feedback. After all, they'd said nice things about me. I'm beginning to wish that all of human life was managed like Ebay. Everyone afraid to upset anyone else because they might think ill of them - and write it down for all to see. We'd all go around smiling through gritted teeth and trying to be nice to each other all the time. On the other hand, perhaps not such a good idea....

Misunderstanding Eh?

Emailed (is that a verb? oh well) the company to complain. Their response apologised for the "misunderstanding". No misunderstanding from my side. Unless "Tuesday" has changed in meaning since last week.

They offer to deliver on a day when nobody will be here (as if they knew). So we settle for Friday. Which means more negotiations with number one son.

They are as useful as that small pocket that you have in your jeans on the right hand side. You know, the one inside the big pocket that you don't have a use for. I wonder if I dare give them bad feedback on ebay. As Spiderman says, "With great power comes great responsibility." And they'd probably bad mouth me as well as not knowing what "Tuesday" really means.

Wah, What Delivery

My cunningly managed Ebay purchase has failed to arrive. The nice man said it would be coming today and so I persuaded number one son to wait in specially. I felt bad about keeping him in. He had plans to go and do nothing somewhere else, but was forced to stay home and do it here.

Actually I'm not being fair there (but not being fair to your kids is kind of a parent's perogative I reckon). He has been working on some programming for me which will make my life easier. I could of course turn out the code, but I see myself as more of an ideas man...

Anyhoo, my new toy hasn't come. And now I'll have to send some emails and make some phonecalls and do the stroppy thing I suppose. Wah.

Music to Drive To

We have been playing Burnout 3, a driving game for the XBOX. I've reviewed it on my Spoke blog (this makes me sound like a real pundit - rather than person with an internet connection and too much time on my hands). Anyhoo, it has the usual "garage band grunge" type in game music - albeit by proper bands which is OK I suppose, but hardly adventurous.

However, it also claims to have the option of letting you pick your own music. I've suggested something of the light classical flavour for number on son. Me, I'm going for Spike Jones and his City Slickers...

Enhance Your Word Power

Dunnolium - really ignorant flooring

Broadminded

The Welsh word for "broadminded" would seem to be "broadminded". But said with a Welsh accent. I happen to know this gem because we've been watching 151 on Sky, which is a Welsh langauge channel. If you have had a pleasant evening, and a certain amount to drink, we've discovered that for sheer entertainment value you can't beat watching a Welsh soap opera with english subtitles on.

You hear a whole bunch of welsh words with the occasional english ones popping through. Broadminded was one of them. Nonsense was another. I was given to wondering how a people can get along without those words, but I suppose the answer is more subtle than that.

Mature Students?

Just given a talk to mature students about the joys of being a student. I promised to put the text of the notes on my blog, and so here they are. Just about all the advice applies to all students - so enjoy.....

Experience with Mature Students:

• Mature Students seem to have an "inside track" in that they are aware of the value of and need for hard work to achieve things.


• Students straight from school often take time to adjust to this requirement without the parental push driving them along.


• Mature students are often better at managing work as well. They are not as inclined to leave things to the last minute (although they may have many other pressures on their time).


• But mature students can have a problem with seeking help. We work very hard in Computer Science to make sure that there are plenty of ways in which people on the modules can get help. We have interactive forums, tutorials and meetings if required. Mature students can be afraid of coming forward and seeking help because they do not want to appear stupid. Please don't do this.

Tips for success:

• Try and always get to lectures and tutorials. Attack your course and be prepared to work hard at it.


• Read through what you wrote in the lectures and tutorials and make sure that you understand it. Do not assume that you can pick things up during the revision lectures. Failing to understand the first lecture means that by lecture three you will be completely lost.


• Build support groups in your cohort. In my experience mature students get on very will with the younger ones and the information exchange is always useful. Also, don't be afraid to get to know students in later years. The second year students have been there and can give you loads of tips and support. And in my experience they are quite happy to do this.


• If you feel that you are slipping, do something about it. Seek help. Start with your peers. Take a look on the support forums etc. If that doesn’t do the trick go to the lecturer and explain the problem you are having. However, don't just say "I didn't understand anything". That will not get you a response. Make a list of points that need to be clarified and work through them.


• If you are doing a practical subject you should prepare for practical work. Lab time is precious. You should arrive in the practical slot with a clear idea of what you are going to do and a sequence to follow to do it.


• Make sure that you hand in practical work on time. One of the major reasons of failure on some of our courses is that students don't hand work in.


• Prepare for exams. The best starting point is often past exam papers. See lf your lecturer will go through our answers if you attempt all the questions in a paper. This is the best way to learn what you have to do, and calibrate yourself for the exams.


• Argue your position. At this level there is often no right answer. Most academics love an informed argument. But make sure that your position is supported by facts and reason.


• Remember that this is supposed to be enjoyable! The main reason why you picked this subject should be that you want to spend three or more years studying it. The staff are here because of their love of the subject. That is what you should be here for too.

Success in nine words, plus two:

• Go to lectures


• Do your coursework


• Prepare for exams


• Have fun!

Rob the Winner

Ha! Won the auction. Got the item for only slightly more than you can buy it in the shops (just kidding). Now to find out what 246 Ebay stars for customer service really means....

Trainee Sniper

I'm presently sitting watching an item on Ebay that I'd like to win in an auction. Apparently the trick is to only bid once, and as late as possible. Fortunately the auction finishes in my teabreak, so I can get really close to the wire with this one.

This may be an omen, but I'm not convinced. I've never ever won an auction by fair means so far. I've always chickened out and used "buy now".

Poetree

"I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as a tree"

What's that all about eh? If it's true, how come deciduous has so few things that rhyme with it?

Hmm. Perhaps posting on this new blog is just too easy....

Feeding Frenzy

My blog now has an XML feed. I think. I've tried reading it with XML reader thingies and they receive something. If anyone out there manages to get it work, please contact me. If anyone out there thinks that they need to get it to work, please seek help, or a life.

If you had told me forty years ago that one day I would be able write words which could be read all over the world I would have laughed and asked my daddy who that strange person with the time machine was.

Be Careful What You Wish For

This new fangled blog thing has been broken all day. I've been sitting around, frustrated that my deathless prose is currently stillborn (see what I mean). Actually boss I've been working jolly hard and checking the blogger behaviour during my alloted breaks according to union rules.

Now of course it is back, and I can't think of anything to write. There has got to be a moral here somewhere (but anyone coming near me and after morals is probably on a hiding to nothing).

Another Picture....

This is another picture test. And these are real flowers too. I've just noticed that we have a semi-transparent yeti crounching next to our shed (sorry - Summerhouse) in the top left of this picture....

Photo Practice

My Desk. Tidy eh? I'm trying out this spiffy thing which lets you add pictures to your blog really easily. And it hosts them for you too. Wonderful. And yes, the keyboard is a good idea.

Failed Sunday

To my way of thinking, a failed Sunday is one on which you did not have time to read the Sunday paper. Today was such a failure.

Car Maintenance

Yesterday I topped the oil up in the car. Many parts of a car should be shiny, but the dipstick is apparently not one of them. Since the change I've been noticing that the engine has been running more smoothly, the car starts more easily and I can see more things out of the rear view mirror. Or is some of this psycho-somatic?

Longer Arms for Fun and Profit

I now have longer arms. Something to do with helping my dad move house. With a back bent like mine is now, I can now nearly drag my knuckles along the floor. Which sounds like progress in the wrong direction. Think I'll go somewhere and be impressed by fire.

Glue Post

This is the post which I need to add so that I can now synchronise the new blog site (this one) with the old blog site (this one) . After this the two will march forwards in time, synchronised like two things that happen simultaneously. (such writing eh?)

Historical Vanity

Hello. I'm new here. But I've been blogging for a while. I'm presently moving all my blog entries from a little program onto these august servers. It is going to take some time I'm afraid, but I quite like projects like this. You can appear busy on the keyboard without actually doing much. And it gives me a chance to edit history and make myself appear in an even better light.

If you like the stuff, read more of it. If you don't don't.